Thursday, April 9, 2009

Winning and Whining, Part 2

I read, and have been reading, this great book called "The Top Ten Distinctions Between Winners and Whiners".

Distinction number 6 is that Winners listen more than they talk.

In the Bible, is it says: So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; James 1:19

Listening more than talking is also a sign of humility. Showing that you think about what the other person has to say as more important than what you have to say.

This has always been a problem for me: When someone is talking, I will start thinking about an experience that I had that was similar. And then I tend to just blurt it out! I am trying to keep my mind focused on what they are saying, instead of thinking about me and what I can add that will make me sound good, or whatever.

This is a big way to make friends and keep them, also. No one wants to feel like they are not being listened to! On the other hand, when someone is listening attentively, it makes us feel that our opinions, thoughts, and feelings are valued, that the person cares about us.

One way to show that you are listening is to ask questions about what they are talking about. Another is to say, "So, what you are saying is that _____________?" Another is to remember the details and then use them later on.

For example, one of the Bright Lights girls was telling me that she would like a purity ring. I asked questions about it, until I had a good idea of what she was looking for. She also mentioned that she had a hard time finding camouflage duct tape for her duct tape crafts.

She really is having a tough time right now, so I wanted to make sure she knew that I cared about her. So I sent her an email with links to websites that had the things she was looking for, along with a note. Here is her reply in part:

"Thank you for the links Carissa. You just mean so much to me that you took the time to find them. You are a great inspiration for my life and I love you so much I am crying right now."

So, as you can see, this listening stuff can really show someone how much you care!

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