Monday, December 27, 2010

This is a Hard Post to Write...

... but I have to write it anyways because I said I would and besides I just... need to. :P

A reader of my blog once told me that people liked posts in which I talked about what I, personally, was learning. Especially when the learning involved getting hit in the face with softballs, apparently.

Anyways, this story/lesson doesn't contain any violence of that nature, unfortunately (for those who like excitement and blood and all that) or fortunately (for those who are sympathetic and kind and stuff). And if you're in both those categories... well, I guess that's okay.

So, that's enough rambling, I think. On with the story. Well, about two years ago, I asked my dad if I could start a blog, and he kindly allowed me to. Hence the birth of Lily of the Valley. (And then my subsequent explosion of other blogs: What's Next??, Rejoice Always (this is the blog you are reading right now, just so you know.) Quotes, Poems and Such Like, The DDA (I didn't start that one, but I contribute there), My Bright Lights blog, and a few others; two small group book discussions and a family one that isn't active yet.) 

That kept me pretty busy for awhile, and then I asked if I could join the Rebelution forum. Permission was also granted for that, so I went ahead and applied and was accepted. After a few months, I ended up getting on the forum team, and that kept me even busier. Since many of the forum team members were on gmail, I asked if I could also get an account to keep in touch better that way. Of course that included lots and lots of chats, which are very distracting and gave me even more to do.

Also at this time, Jay Lauser started getting me involved in several of his projects and forums and all that, and so then I was really busy.

Now I am doing a lot less projects and have been doing less on the Rebelution as well, but still I have been spending more and more time online since I first "became a person" on here, and I have noticed several things.

Yes, all those things are "good" things. They are all things I'm glad I have been involved with: I've learned a great deal, met some wonderful friends, and even been able to help people. My parents are also glad for the experience I've gained and for the friendships I've made.

However, even "good things" can become idols. And even "good things" can prevent you from doing the best things.

Don't you hate it when you realize that you are something you despise? I do.

See, I always despised the whole idea of moms who put their families second for work or even "ministry". But guess what? That is what I have been doing. Of course, I don't have children of my own yet. But I still have a family. And, moreover, I am developing habits for when I have my own family. And lately, I have been disobeying my parents by spending too much time on here, thus straining our relationship... and I have been doing less with my siblings... and my chores are sometimes neglected... all while I sit here and do "good things".

And, even worse than that, my relationship with God has been hindered. This has become an idol, much as I hate to admit it. I spend far more time on here than I do on things that further my relationship with God, and my thoughts are far more consumed with things going on here than on my God. How pathetic is that?? Seriously, He gave His life for me. And I get distracted by such silly things!

Besides those two very serious things, I have also started neglecting some of my "real" (aka non virtual) projects for online ones, and I have been content with my friends on here instead of actively reaching out to hurting girls at church. (not that I haven't at all, just not near like I should be.)

I am also addicted to it. Like literally--physically. Did you know that your body produces drugs? I hope so... because that's pretty basic. But anyways, when you do certain things, it sends a pleasure "drug" through you, and you brain likes it. Duh. And so you can get addicted to whatever caused that. Well, guess what? Chatting and things like that can cause that sort of rush. And guess what? It is addicting. :P And so, I literally feel like I have to do it. Weird! So basically I am a drug addict. :P haha.

So... what's the point of me telling you all this?

Well, first, to acknowledge it and ask you all for prayer.

Secondly, to let you all know that I am taking a month long internet fast, and that when I get back things will be different. I will be working out with my dad exactly what will be different, so you'll have to wait until I'm back to get that announcement. :)

Thank you all for listening! Er, reading. Anyways, I shall miss you all, but I will be having fun with my family and all my projects. And my letter writing. Oh yes! I was going to say that if you happen to have my mailing address and/or phone number, you are free to contact me through those venues. :)

10 comments:

  1. "See, I always despised the whole idea of moms who put their families second for work or even "ministry". But guess what? That is what I have been doing. Of course, I don't have children of my own yet. But I still have a family. And, moreover, I am developing habits for when I have my own family. And lately, I have been disobeying my parents by spending too much time on here, thus straining our relationship... and I have been doing less with my siblings... and my chores are sometimes neglected... all while I sit here and do "good things".

    Wonderfully put.

    I pray that the Lord will bless you during this time and that you will grow closer to Him and your family. Love you so much!

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  2. Thank you. :)

    Thank you again for your prayers! Love you more! <3

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  3. Very well put, Carissa. May God bless you in your time of adjustment.

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  4. Dear Carissa,

    I will be praying for you! May God give you the wisdom and strength you need as you seek His Best.

    God Bless,
    Mrs. Mama Lauser

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  5. Dear Mrs. Mama Lauser,

    Thank you very much for your prayers! :)

    Blessings,
    Carissa

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  6. Dear Carissa,

    I don't exactly know what to say, except that I'm glad to see that your sensitivity to God speaking to you and working in your heart. I can relate to the whole idol thing to some degree, although not necessarily in this area. I can also relate to the whole thing of despising yourself. Remember that God forgives and forgets, and He is continually doing that "good work which He began in [us]..." I shall be thinking of you and praying for you, dear, and I shall also soon be there for "moral support." :) See you soon! Love you!
    Beka

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  7. Dear Beka,

    Thank you very much for your comment, sympathy and for the reminders. :)

    I am so excited that you all are coming!! :D Love you too!

    Carissa

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  8. I definitely understand what you mean. In the past I've struggled with similar things & it's been good for me to get away from it for a while.

    I pray the Lord uses this time to refresh and encourage you!

    Much Love,
    Allison

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  9. Thank you very much for that, Allison! I appreciate it. :)

    Love,
    Carissa

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